Why Remarry?

Updated December 19, 2010 07:00 PM

Why Remarry?

Introduction

Ed National

December may be a popular month for marriage proposals, but it hasn't been the season for universal affirmations of the institution itself.

The Times reported last week that French couples are avoiding traditional marriages and increasingly opting for civil unions. In the United States, two recent studies, one by the Pew Research Centerand another by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virgina, noted the rise in cohabitation, which has doubled from 1990 to more than six million households in 2008, as an alternative to marriage.

This rise is not simply a reflection of the decision by the young and never married to delay taking the big step. The number of couples living together who were previously married is also on the rise, both among those who are still raising children and among older partners.

More second marriages fail than first marriages. With the increasing acceptance of cohabitation, why remarry? Why risk that nightmare all over again?

Why Remarry?

Two out of three second marriages end in divorce, and cohabitation is increasingly accepted. Why make a relationship official?

The Higher Risks of Cohabitation

Updated December 19, 2010, 07:00 PM

Sharon Sassler is an associate professor in the department of policy analysis and management at Cornell.

Previously married people have probably heard the warning that divorce rates are even higher in second marriages. But I ask you, how could remarriage possibly be any worse? After all, 100 percent of marriages ended unhappily among the currently divorced. Second marriages on average cannot possibly fare any worse statistically.

Yes, second marriages have a high failure rate. But dissolution rates are far greater among cohabiting couples of any age.

Just as with marriage rates overall, remarriage rates have declined. Divorced individuals are increasingly choosing cohabitation as an alternative to marriage. Living together is sometimes believed to be a safer, if less formal, relationship.

But the reality is that dissolution rates are higher among cohabiting couples than remarried couples. According to results from the National Survey of Family Growth, only 13 percent of cohabitations remained intact (that is, did not make the transition into a marriage or dissolve) after five years; in contrast, 77 percent of couples that remarried were still together five years after the ceremony. The odds of remaining in a long-term partnership are higher when there is a legal tie.

As for those who are parents, remarriage is sometimes unfairly maligned for the impact it can have on children. It is often difficult for children to adjust to a parent’s new spouse, and on average, research shows that children who spend time in step-families fare less well than those who grow up with married biological parents.

But on many dimensions children whose parents enter into second marriages have better outcomes than do children whose parents cohabit. They are less likely to drink or smoke, have higher levels of economic well-being, and as adults have better relationship quality than their counterparts whose divorced parents formed cohabiting unions or remained solo. Parents’ intimate relationships serve as templates for their children, long after the divorce and its aftermath.

Finally, looking at those who do remarry reveals a well-kept secret.

Just as the advantaged are now more likely to tie the knot in the first place, they are also more likely to remarry following a divorce. Men, for example, are more likely to remarry than are women (especially if they are custodial fathers), and remarriage rates are also higher for whites and the college educated. That suggests that marriage – even second marriages – confers social, legal, and personal benefits that those in positions of power or authority take advantage of.

Remarriage may be less beneficial among those nearing retirement age. Some recent studies have found that later-life cohabitations are more stable than those entered into by younger adults, though they are still less durable than remarriages. There may be other reasons to avoid remarriages among those who are retirement-aged; concerns with children’s inheritance, reliance on a former spouse’s pension, or a desire sometimes expressed by widows to enjoy the chance to do what they want without concerning themselves with another’s wishes.

But for those interested in establishing intimate relationships with new partners, there are many reasons, well supported with the scholarly research, to put aside the fear of failure that divorce represents to many Americans, and engage in what Samuel Johnson termed “the triumph of hope over experience.”

Topics: Culture, family, marriage